Mission: Possible. Objective 4 of 4 (Detroit Red Wings)

Pittsburgh vs. Detroit, the Rematch

Let's hop in the Delorean and return to July 1, 2008, the first day of the NHL free agency signing period. The Penguins sit by and watch as some of their major contributors sign with other teams. It was hard to see guys like Malone, Ruutu, Laraque, etc. come and go, but we all knew there was a reason to Ray Shero's madness. He had to save cap room for Marian Hossa, the talented winger acquired at the trade deadline to play alongside Sidney Crosby. Most of us figured that Hossa would resign with the Pens, fresh off a trip to the Stanley Cup finals and loaded with top-end young talent. Little did we know what would happen next...


Hossa pulled the ultimate Benedict Arnold move and signed with the Red Wings, a team that just ended his season weeks before. Penguin Nation was stunned, shocked, pissed...you get the point. So you could argue that not only did the Pens lose out on Hossa, but they also lost the opportunity to resign key guys like Malone, who was commanding big money on the open market, but has since said he would have taken less to stay in his hometown. The problem at the time was that Shero deemed Hossa as being a higher priority, and had the Pens been able to retain him, there was no money left over for guys like Malone. So Bugsy went to greener pastures (greener only in money terms) and the Pens were stuck combing through the free agency leftovers.

Back to the present...the Pens and Red Wings, for the most part, cruised through their respective conferences and will meet again for the chance to lift Lord Stanley's Cup. And the main storyline (which will be thrown at you from every possible angle) will be the Marian Hossa situation. The Penguins now know how it feels to be so close to winning, and their drive and determination should be at an all-time high, and the fact that the former teammate who spurned them this past summer will be on the other side should add fuel to the proverbial fire. With Crosby and Malkin playing like they're the best players in the world and Detroit's injury situation, I've got a feeling the Cup will be back in the 'Burgh sooner rather than later.

I'd love to be in the handshake line if the Pens can pull it off. Pens in six.
LET'S GO PENS

A New Hope...

It's almost the start of June, and around these parts Memorial Day usually signals the premature end to another futile Pittsburgh Pirates season. For once, even with the recent long losing streak and inevitable debut of should-have-been-a-Pirate Matt Wieters, the usual Bucco pessimist like myself has a reason to keep an eye on the Bucs into June and possibly beyond. Just ask the boys over at Baseball Prospectus. The stat junkies over there still give your Pirates a 9.46% chance to make the playoffs this season. Now that may not seem like much, but that's better than the ranking they gave ten other big-league teams...

• Giants - 8.78%
• Mariners - 6.14%
• Rockies: 4.84%
• Athletics: 4.36%
• White Sox: 4.33%
• Marlins: 3.20%
• Orioles: 2.77%
• Diamondbacks: 2.58%
• Astros: 2.25%
• Nationals: 0.52%

So there are baseball people out there other than 6th Ward who see a glimmer of hope for these Bucs. I have to admit, if they can stay healthy, keep up the strong starting pitching and continue getting contributions from young guys such as Morgan, Moss and Little LaRoche, there might be something for sports fans in Pittsburgh to look forward to in July other than the return of the Steelers to Saint Vincent. Add to that the return of Ryan Doumit and the more-than-likely debut of Andrew McCutcheon and it's shaping up to be an interesting summer over at PNC Park (and that's without even including SkyBlast in the conversation.)

Rant From The Recliner

Everyone is quick to jump on the Pittsburgh Pirates for making bonehead decisions, but let's take this moment to thank the powers that be for not letting the Pirates sign Daniel Cabrera.

...the sun will come out, tomorrow...

The Washington Nationals designated pitcher Daniel Cabrera for assignment tonight. Now, let it be clear that I am not stroking the Buccos for deciding not to sign this guy, because that is not how it went down. We are lucky that the Nationals beat out the Buccos and Mets in the bidding war. 2.6 million for an ERA just under 6 in 40 innings of work, well done Washington,well done.

Speaking of giant pieces of shit...

Eric Gagne signed with the Can-Am independent league Quebec Capitales. Roids, HGH and probably gay sex brought this guy down and I LOVE IT. Even the Brewers thought this guy had absolutely nothing left (bet they wish it was before they gave him 10 million for 1 season of garbage). SEE YOU LATER SUCKER!

in other baseball news...

Could have been Pittsburgh Pirate (see, even I - king superfan can criticize the Buccos) Matt Wieters will make his debut Friday night against Dontrelle Willis and the Tigers. Zaun, later dude. Weiters is nasty, slugging .552 in May, but I still bet that Doumit could drink him under the table.

Goodbye to You

Sorry Mr. Cowher...

I find it interesting that the Hurricanes would have a coach with a history of losing conference championships sound the horn before their final game of the season. How appropriate...

Other NHL News (Not That It Really Matters)

Amazingly, there are other stories in the NHL other than the Penguins...

-Rumor has it that over-the-hill goon Bobby Holik will retire. Good riddance. The guy is a joke, a cheap shot artist extraordinaire and long-time thorn in the Pens' side. A few years overdue, in my opinion. At least he'll never be burdened with the rigors of being a team captain anymore.

-Speaking of guys that need to retire immediately, Jeremy Roenick is opening his mouth once again, accusing Red Wings coach Mike Babcock of hating American-born players. His reasoning? Babcock chooses not to play Chris Chelios on a regular basis.

"The coach just doesn't like him for some ungodly known reason. I think he's got a grudge against American players, but he does not like Chelly at all."

Let's see here...why would you play Chelios? Zero points in 28 regular-season games. A Red Wings roster chalk full of defensive studs named Lidstrom, Rafalski, Stuart, etc. 47 years old. Chelios dismissed the story, realizing that while he might be only a few months away from collecting Social Security, he's at least not losing it as fast as Roenick. I'm tired of talking about Jeremy Roenick, please do us all a favor and hang 'em up.

-Another two aging NHL stars plan on leaving the NHL, but not the game of hockey entirely. The Washington Capitals may have two holes to fill this offseason, with the announcement that both Sergei Fedorov and Viktok Kozlov are bolting the NHL for their native home of Russia to play next season in the KHL. While both are past their prime and don't contribute on the ice as much as they once did, they provided a comfort zone for fellow Russian countrymen and teammates Alex Ovechkin and Alexander Semin, and this could be a huge blow for the up-and-coming Caps.

-The Colorado Avalanche might be making a huge mistake in their questionable pursuit of Patrick Roy as coach/executive/whatever. While I admire his impeccable hockey accomplishments and hatred of the aformentioned Jeremy Roenick, he has never coached at a level higher than his sons' junior teams. And we all know how that went...

Roy is a hothead, and while he knows a ton about the game, I question this love affair. Having Roy aboard will not put more people in the seats. For a franchise that made one of the best deals ever, this move is a real head-scratcher.

-And now for my closing editorial. Please, please, PLEASE bring the NHL back to ESPN. I long for the days of NHL 2Night and daily coverage of the game. It was so refreshing seeing the Worldwide Leader kick off Sportscenter with in-depth coverage during the Pens-Caps series. Now that NBC is in control, we might have to wait TEN DAYS between games here in the 'Burgh, with the below-average biased local coverage being our only fix. If Gary Bettman really wants to expand the game's audience, swallow your pride and get back in bed with ESPN.

This is Just a Tribute...

A prelude to the death of the legend of one of Pittsburgh's most beloved sports icons...we will miss you William Laird Cowher...

Cowher's legacy in Pittsburgh is on life support, as is the 2009 Carolina Hurricanes season. If Coach Cowher follows through on his publicity stunt tonight and sounds the horn before another Canes' meltdown, his Pittsburgh sports obituary will be written. Happy trails fool.

LET'S GO PENS

Reflections From the Beach

After returning from Emerald Isle, NC, I wanted to let you all know about our experience with Canes fans. Surprisingly, when we went to The Beach Tavern to watch Game 2, we were embraced as visitors by the hundred or so Carolina faithful. Sure when the Pens scored and we cheered we were gently booed, but all and all there was no ill will. For the majority of the game I sat at the bar with a "superfan" wearing a Canes jersey on one side, and the owner of the bar on the other. We enjoyed pleasant conversation and we each praised one another for how well the other's home town team had been playing.

When the subject of rival teams came up and I said most Pittsburgh fans hate Philly, the "superfan" told me that the only hated rival in Carolina was Boston. I just though 6th Ward would enjoy hearing that.

The funniest thing about the whole experience was at the end of the first when Carolina was up 3-2, someone played The Scorpions song "Rock You Like a Hurricane" and everyone there sang the chorus.

We left for home after the second and as we walked out there were many handshakes and good luck was wished both ways. I salute Carolina fans for being good sports, because I know if it had been the other way around and an out of town fan came to one of our bars, they would probably leave after five minutes.

Peavy to White Sox? Nope!

The other team in Chicago, the White Sox, and the San Diego Padres earlier agreed to a deal that would send Peavy to Chicago in exchange for four Sox pitching prospects. But Peavy, whose conract includes a full no-trade clause through this season, drank a bottle of Jager...

and said, "fuck that".

I have always thought this hick was too much of a diva. Get over yourself Jake! I bet if it was Boston knocking at the door Peavy would have his bags packed.
Padres suck, White Sox suck, and fucking Boston sucks.

GO BUCCOS!

Who You Gonna Call?

This has nothing to do with the sports world, but it is awesome news so listen up fuckers: Ghostbusters 3 is ON!

Columbia Pictures hired the executive producers from The Office to write a Ghostbusters reunion movie. In a new interview on Entertainment Tonight online, Dan Aykroyd confirms that he Bill 'possibly the coolest man alive' Murray, Ernie Hudson, Harold Ramis, and even Sigourney Weaver are on board for the third movie.
According to Aykroyd, production might even begin as early as this winter.
As for the film's plot, it'll deal with the aging, original Ghostbusters getting ready to retire and pass on the responsibilities of protecting NYC over to a new crew, with maybe a female or two this time helping to capture the ghoulish motherfuckers. I have half a chubber thinking about a few Hollywood racks that I would love to see busting out of a Ghostbusters uni.

Are you the Keymaster? Yes. Actually I'm a friend of his, he asked me to meet him here.

Break Up the Bucs!

Don't look now, but your Pittsburgh Pirates are riding a four-game winning streak, hoping to eliminate any memory of that gut-wrenching nine-game losing streak they endured a little while back. This ten-game road trip has massive implications on any hope of a successful Buccos season (and by successful I mean anything close to .500 baseball.) Helping the Pirates' cause this week was a well-timed trip to the nation's capital, which is home to the Expos, er I mean Nationals, a team that is in worse shape than your Bucs (if that's humanly possible.) If you thought the Pirates' bullpen was bad, just take a look at what the Nationals have rotting in their pen.

That's right. Not one, not two, not three but four, count em, FOUR former Bucco castoffs are floundering in the Nats' bullpen. Joe Beimel, Ron Villone, Kip fucking Wells and Julian Tavarez all call DC their home for this season. It really makes Jesse Chavez and Matt Capps look pretty appealing if you ask me. And anytime you can use a Slapshot quote to harass a team's closer, that's pretty awesome as well.

"Hey Hanrahan! Hanrahan! Hanrahan - Suzanne sucks pussy! Hey Hanrahan she's a dyke! I know, I know! She's a lesbian, a lesbian, a lesbian!"

I may have to purchase a seat near the Nats' pen when they come to town in early August. But anyways, it's refreshing to see the Buccos turn it around a little and creep closer to respectability. And it's also nice to see Brandon Moss finally start to live up to some of his expectations. After I called out Andy LaRoche repeatedly, he turned it on, and so I then focused my unforgiving wrath on Moss, who has responded as well. So if you know anyone that is underachieving and needs a nice kick in the ass, let me know.

RAISE THE JOLLY ROGER BIATCH!

Root Root Root For Our Home Team

Never was there a more appropriate theme for a sports team than the "We Are Family" Pittsburgh Pirates. Whether you play or root for a Pittsburgh sports franchise, you're forever part of a fraternity that knows no limits. I know I rag on some local sports fans for taking their rooting interests to ridiculous levels, but it is refreshing to see our local sports heroes become part of the community.

The Pens support their Pittsburgh sporting brethren. And their brothers return the favor...

Whoa, wait a second...let's take a look at these last few pictures for a moment. There's one common theme, they're all members of the Steelers organization. But to quote the immortal Sesame Street...one of these things is not like the others. Mike Tomlin, Casey Hampton, and Jeff Reed are all regular fixtures in the crowd at Mellon Arena. As for Little Ben, when he makes an "appearance" at a Pens' game, it's in Mario's luxury box. And every time he shows up to a game, he just happens to be part of an in-game interview. It's this aloofness and elite sense of entitlement that rubs some Pittsburghers like myself the wrong way. From Empty-Netters:

"Hmmm..... Ben Roethlisberger was just shown on the video screen. He's offered a nice, polite applause. James Farrior is then shown and he gets a louder applause."

But you gotta at least give Ben credit for rooting for the home team. When one of these heroes turns his back on the 'Burgh, the wrath is unforgiving.

Example #1: William Cowher

Bill Cowher was born and raised in Pittsburgh. He coached the Pittsburgh Steelers, the most beloved franchise in sports, and led them to a Super Bowl title. He achieved a God-like status that eludes most sports figures. So why would he turn his back on his hometown and openly root for the team in his new digs? It's baffling to most, and there has to be some sort of alterior motive behind all of this. I never was a die-hard Cowher fan, he was too Schottenheimer-like for my tastes, but I didn't hate the guy. Now I'm starting to wonder...

Rant From The Recliner

PENS WIN! PENS WIN!

Fleury 23 saves. Pens BALL OUT as usual.

Our Pittsburgh Pirates took their hot bats to the Nation's capital with one goal - not to pick up AIDS. Okay, 2 goals - no AIDS (3% there, what the fuck?)and to sweep the Nationals. The Bucco Lumber Company decided to drive in five runs in the sixth one day after 10-run inning against the Rockies. Jack Wilson fell a dinger short of a cycle, batting 4-4 with 3 runs, 2 rbi and one walk. In the midst of Jack's hot night, the Seattle Times reports that the Bucs and Mariners could swap shortstops, with Yuniesky Betancourt coming to Pittsburgh and Jack Wilson heading to Seattle. Other players could be involved. Betancourt is younger but more costly, as he's guaranteed about $10.5 million over the next three years. Betancourt isn't much of a hitter or defender, and at 27 he probably doesn't have a whole lot of headroom. If the Pirates are considering this, they need to get other players as well.

Let's hope Big Neal doesn't make his first total bonehead move.

Now get out there and take the next 3 in DC and 6 in Chicago!

Mission: Possible. Objective 3 of 4 (Hartford Whalers)

Oh wait, I forgot...

It's been over ten years since the sweet sounds of Brass Bonanza has been blasted over the loudspeakers at an NHL game. The beloved Whalers are now known as the Carolina Hurricanes, a move that alienated some of hockey's most hardcore fans. But let's not get too sentimental, it's the Eastern Conference Finals, and your Pittsburgh Penguins have a chance to return to the Stanley Cup Finals for the second year in a row. Looking back at what the Pens have accomplished so far, any sane human being would have to consider making it this far to be a success. In February, this team was in tenth place in the East, on the outside looking in. Fast forward three months, and the Pens have not only fought their way back into the playoff picture, but they've knocked off arguably their two most-hated rivals in reaching the Eastern Conference Finals in the process. And what else is amazing is that they will have home-ice advantage in this series, with most pundits giving them the edge over the Hurricanes. So you'd be hard-pressed not to deem what the Pens have achieved thus far as anything less than a success, but this team wants more, and is in position to have it. This team has displayed the will, drive and passion needed for any team to survive the gauntlet that is the hardest tournament in the world. But in actuality, we're only halfway home.

I have to admit, when you play teams like Philthadelphia and Washington, it's a lot easier to get into the series and convey actual hate for the opposition. With Carolina, not so much. The Pens and Canes only play four times a season, and most of their head-to-head matchups don't garner too much interest. Well, there was this one time...

I'm sure the Orpik-Cole situation will be discussed ad nauseum. As will the fact that...

Jordan and Eric Staal are brothers.

If you didn't know that already, the guys on Versus will be sure to let you know at least 657 times tonight. So there will be a few story lines to this series, and if the Pens want to reach the Finals again, they'll have to take down two familiar faces that were a huge part of bringing the Cup to the 'Burgh...

I don't think I need to tell you who, at least I hope I don't.

And don't forget about the other hometown hero-turned bandwagon Canes fan...

Totally inexcusable.

So it starts all over again tonight. As usual, for any of your Pens' needs, check out The Pensblog and Empty Netters. If the Pens can get to Cam Ward early and often, I see a return trip to the Finals for the Pens. Pens in five.

LET'S GO PENS

Reflections From the Beach

Well, I have just completed my first 24 hours at the shore and one question has been on my mind all day.

HOW IN THE FUCK DID ALL THOSE WELL HUNG STALLIONS ALLOW THE CHICK TO WIN THE PREAKNESS?

Seriously. This travesty will allow women like Annika Sorrenstam and Venus Williams to think they belong in competition with the Elite men in their sports.

The horses in this race should be subject to ball-busting not unlike that experienced by Stinch at the many Alannis Morissette concerts he has attended. They should all be made geldings and forced to accompany young, wet fillies to stable with their not-so-well-hung mates that didn't make the cut and watch them copulate. I should then fix the busted ass chair I am now sitting on with glue made from their hooves.

This will make any male think twice before allowing a female to One-Up them on the field of battle again!

FUCK BOSTON FRIDAY

What a great morning for someone who hates the fuck out of Boston...

Carolina's Scott Walker busted towards Boston's Tim 'The Toolbox' Thomas, bunting in what was left of a shot by Ray Whitney to take game 7 and upset the Bruins. That is right, the top seeded Boston Bruins go down to the Carolina Hurricanes.

The defending champion Boston Celtics had a chance to knock off Orlando last night, but really people - did you think they would? It's Boston - they suck at everything. Glen 'Big Piece of Shit' Davis isn't going to cut it. They need to resort to last year's methods...

Everyone remembers last year when Paul Pierce threw up the "6th Ward" gang sign during the 1st round of the playoffs, hoping to scare the shit out of the competition. I guess it worked, no one wants to fuck with 6th Ward - but Paul, you are not 6th Ward. You are Boston, and that means YOU SUCK.

All the while, the Red Sox lost in 12 innings!

Red Sux manager Terry Francona was ejected by plate umpire Bill Miller in the 10th after Julio Lugo took a called strike with a 3-0 count on him. Nine Red Sox had looked at called third strikes, compared to one Angel. Quite possibly the biggest dissapointment of the game was everybody's favorite - David Ortiz. Big Papi stranded 12, leaving the bases loaded twice.

Papi's season so far:
AVG: .208
R: 14
HR: 0
RBI: 15
SB: 0

What is he waiting for? A homerun or a BUKKAKE party?

In other Boston news...

The MBTA trolley operator who investigators said was text messaging his girlfriend before a crash in Boston last week has been fired. He was probably asking her if she wanted to meet him at the bahhh for a laahhhger.

FUCK BOSTON!

"What's So Special About Crosby?"

I am officially emotionally spent. What else can be said about this Pens/Caps series that hasn't been said already? One for the ages, an epic war of attrition, with the better team coming out on top. The way the Pens handled the Capitals in Game Seven was surprising enough...what really floored me was the fact that the series finale was the opening topic on the 11pm Sportscenter.

"You're getting stabbed Van Pelt. Hockey before NBA?"

Thanks to Sidney Crosby, Alexander Ovechkin, Evgeni Malkin and the rest of the stars in this series, hockey is starting to reemerge in the United States, which can only make one hope that Gary Bettman realizes this and continues to make the game more readily available on a regular basis. For a perfect example of this, one only needs to look at two main contributors to this blog, Biggamekilla and PWHallstrom. Only last year both were casual hockey fans, but now both live and die with the Penguins. In my opinion, hockey is the best spectator sport in the world. In our fast-paced, give-it-to-me-now society, a game like hockey, with it's constant motion and exciting action, should thrive. Hopefully this series opened the eyes of more casual fans and helps the game overtake the garbage that is the NBA in popularity. Time to step off the soapbox. A few closing thoughts before we bury the Caps...

-Sidney Crosby proved that he is the best all-around player in the world, period. He may not have the offensive skill of Ovechkin or the physical abilities of Malkin, but he does everything, and he does it all exceptionally. Everyone has known about his skill set, but many have questioned his ability to be a leader. Last night should end all those questions permanently. The Kid was on a mission, to seek and destroy without taking any prisoners. He didn't want to merely defeat the Capitals last night, he wanted to crush any ounce of hope in that building. And he did. Repeatedly. He outclassed, outplayed and outhearted (I just made that word up) Alex Ovechkin last night. Nobody in the NHL faces more hostility and hatred than Sidney Crosby, and he handles it all with a class and dignity that most 21-year olds don't have, and probably never will.

-Speaking of Crosby bashing...Alexander Semin is a joke of a hockey player. Everyone remembers what he said about Sid earlier this year. I would love to hear what he has to say now. Semin was absolute garbage this series, and Paul Steigerwald's comments last night about cleaning the black marks from his numerous shots off the glass was priceless. Semin had more dives this series than shots on goal, every time he was touched he fell over. Complete failure.

-Another joke of a hockey player is Mike Green. Much was made of Green running out of sticks because Easton discontinued the model he used. You would think that a Norris-trophy contender would have some pull at Easton and make sure that his model would be in surplus, especially when the playoffs roll around. The stick being used is no excuse for a lack of physicality and no defensive presence at all. Mike Green is a glorified Ryan Whitney, and it's save to say that right now I think Whitney is superior defensively than Green.

-Speaking of excuses, Bruce Boudreau has plenty of them, including the fact that the Caps were playing with numerous injuries. Waaahhhh. It's the playoffs, everyone is banged up. I guarantee there are plenty of injured Pens as well, but since they're still alive in the playoffs, they're not gonna announce it to the world and give their next opponent some inside information. Boudreau was outcoached and outclassed this series. He made zero defensive adjustments, even after his team was continuously outshot and outplayed. He whined and cried about penalties called against his team and not called on the Pens. I was not impressed at all by a guy who many have deemed to be one of the up-and-coming coaches in the NHL.

-Sure, Marc-Andre Fleury was outplayed by Simeon Varlamov this series, but when it came down to it, he made the save(s) he needed to make for his team to win, while Varlamov finally crumbled under the pressure. People keep calling him out for his puckhandling woes, but I don't want him to change his game now by staying put in the net. Fleury's aggressive plays behind the net prevent the forecheckers from getting easy hits on the Pens' defensemen, which saves a ton of wear and tear. For a perfect example of this, look to the other end of the ice. Varlamov never strayed from the net, which forced the Caps' d-men to constantly retrieve the puck knowing that a vicious hit was coming. The Caps' defense definitely wore down over the duration of the series, which was pivotal to the Pens' victory.

-Even more Capital punishment...the Capitals really are shaping up to be the red-sweatered stepchild to the Penguins, and even the Flyers to an extent. People like to criticize the Caps' supporters as being "fairweather" fans. I tend to take offense to that. Each sports team has its core group of supporters who are there through thick and thin. When the team has a run of success, it's human nature for outsiders to take notice and jump on the bandwagon. Like I said earlier, the NHL needs all the attention it can get, and any new fans are good fans for the game. On the other hand, these new fans need their own identity. They ripped off the "Rock the Red" theme from the Calgary Flames (which is known by the much more creative monicker "The C of Red.") And the Caps faithful have taken a page out of the Flyers fans' guidebook, resorting to taunting Sidney Crosby with signs and mock chants. You would think by witnessing Sid's great success in such environments that it doesn't work. And just like the Flyers' faithful, when things go bad, instead of supporting their struggling stars, they jump off the bandwagon just as fast as they got on. When Evgeni Malkin returned to Pittsburgh for Game Three after struggling mightily in the first two games of the series, the Pens fans cheered his every move, and Malkin acknowledged that it definitely gave him life and helped him turn things around. When Mike Green continued his series-long struggles in Game Seven, the Caps fans turned their frustration towards him, booing him every time he touched the puck. It's this lack of support and understanding that drove former stud blueliners like Larry Murphy, Kevin Hatcher and Sergei Gonchar out of town. The Caps have a bright future filled with young stars. Unless their fans shape up and appreciate what they have, and eliminate their inferiority complex (blocking outside ticket sales Mr. Leonsis?) these future stars will look at Washington as a just a stepping stone to greener pastures.

-To close the book on the Capitals 2008-09 season, we present to you the best (and worst) of Alexander Oveckin last night...

In my opinion, it was his best goal celebration to date.

LET'S GO PENS

One For The Ages

Game 7 is over, time for all the AIDS infested Washington band wagoners to leave the Verizon Center and go back to their lives of unprotected sex and criminal activities. There was no possible better ending than what happened tonight, a 6-2 shellacking that sent Mr Varlamov to the showers early in the second. Alexander Ovechkin had a goal, but you can give Fleury the assist on that goal. Other than that Ovechkin disappeared for most of the game and almost seemed to quit when the game was 5-1. The AIDS patients in attendance even began to turn on the team booing the biggest queer on the ice Mike Green every time he touched the puck. C'mon Caps fans you cant boo him and only him the team as a whole was terrible. Aside from Ovechkin and Varlamov this team was in over their heads, Ovechkin was outstanding during the previous six games as was Varlamov but it takes a team effort to win when it counts and that is what the 2009 Penguins are. Yes they lost a great talent in Hossa but the guy has no heart, he left because he felt that Detroit was his best chance at a Stanley Cup. With his team on the brink of elimination, I for one hope that the Ducks pull off the upset and send Hossa home to watch the Eastern Conference Finals wishing he wasn't such a dumb fucking idiot. Bill Guerin, Chris Kunitz, Craig Adams, Ruslan Fedotenko, Miroslav Satan were all brought in to replace some key components that had departed from the 2008 team. The knock on Satan was that he wasn't a team player and had no heart. Well Satan was sent to the minors and could of just said you know what fuck it I'm done but he stuck it out, sucked up his pride and played it out in the minors. He was called up after Petr Sykora mailed in his season when the regular season ended and has earned the playing time he has been given. All of these moves have made this a special team, they have a ton of heart, and it seems as though Crosby will not let this team lose on his watch. All in all this was one of the greatest NHL Playoff series I have ever seen and can only hope that the next round is just as nerve wracking.

If You're Not Part of the Solution...

Let me tell YOU something Zack Stynchula.

Brandon Moss isn't the problem. Brian Bixler isn't the problem. Jesse Chavez isn't the problem...

YOU ARE THE PROBLEM.

It's people like you, who still blindly follow this garbage excuse of a team. You're the parent that sees your young kid sticking a cat in the microwave and thinks it's youthful innocence. Seventeen years later, when your kid is holding up the local 7-11 and goes on a four-state serial raping spree, it's not cute anymore.

When things go wrong, you gotta do something about it, before the real damage is done.

The Pirates aren't a baseball team, they're a marketing juggernaut. Why spend more money on players and development to help your team win when you can just give away a few bobbleheads, have a washed-up 80's band play after the game and shoot off some fireworks? As long as people are in the seats and this team makes money, it's all good (except for the baseball.) PNC Park is not a ballpark, it's a social gathering place. The Pirates are a punchline in the sporting world, and that hurts. A team with the rich history you described below, and now it's nothing more than a doormat. Growing up, I looked up to guys like Clemente, Stargell, Van Slyke, Drabek...who do kids in Pittsburgh look up to now? Andy LaRoche?

"When I grow up, I want to be Pat Meares. He got paid $15 million for playing 21 games. He's a financial genius."

So do you get my point? They are robbing you of your dignity and your God-given right to witness good baseball. You think you're being a passionate, loyal fan by supporting them through thick and thin but you're actually just allowing them to keep bending you over and steal your money. It's the same reason the Yankees can charge thousands of dollars for one ticket and get away with it. There are people stupid enough to pay for it. You're stupid enough to pay for shitty baseball. Show them you're fed up, cut and run while you can. Don't let an REO Speedwagon concert suck you back in. Don't let a two-game winning streak make you think playoffs. I admire what the new regime is trying to do, but when you see the success a guy like Jason Bay is having while the so-called "prospects" they received in return continue to battle injuries and inconsistency, it's disheartening. And when your top prospects, the "future of the Pittsburgh Pirates" include a guy married to a baby-stealing woman 20 years his senior who quit on his minor league team last year, and another guy who showed up to camp overweight and tried to screw the Pirates when it came to signing his first contract, it doesn't give me much optimism. I remember when Chad Hermansen walked on water. Well guess what? He sunk. So until I see some semblance of winning baseball with a winning atmosphere, I'm done supporting the Pittsburgh Pirates. It's amazing that in the CITY OF CHAMPIONS there are fans who continue to support this garbage. We should be ashamed. It's just some borderline major leaguers collecting a major-league paycheck until they move on to greener pastures.

Don't call me a frontrunner. The Pirates were my first love growing up. They will always have a place in my heart. I just refuse to get emotionally attached to them again until they can prove to me they're ready for a long-term relationship. Seventeen years is a long time. Pittsburgh deserves better.

LET'S GO BUCCOS!

Tom Mckee, with a little help from my friends, I would like to let you know how I feel...

and I don't even like Kerry Wood, but he too thinks you are a fuckwad!

I am a Pittsburgh Pirates fan. I know about all the losing seasons, I've watched almost every game. I know there are kids with no arms and legs that can play shortstop better than Brian Bixler. I have a Sean Casey jersey (2 actually). I would skullfuck Sid Bream's wife if ever given the chance. I sat through the Jim Tracy era. I have endured the pain, anyone who puts the "P" cap on has. I like to forget all that and remember that "we" have 5 titles, a hall of famer list about as long as the list of girls I've had my way with, the BEST ballpark in the world, and also the Steelers and Penguins (to stop the bleeding in the meantime). REAL Pirate fans have made it this far, and we will continue to march through the shit as long as we have to.

On behalf of every single homer, let us be homers - we don't want you. Unless you have the kind of scratch to buy the team and turn things around, your black cloud outlook on things means nothing to us. Take your half empty glass and go be jealous of Ben Roethlisberger in the other room. Us homers, we will be just fine without you...

ROOT ROOT ROOT FOR OUR HOME TEAM -

A NEW PIRATE GENERATION, EVERYBODY SHOUT -

LET'S GO BUCS!

No Hope

Thank you Pittsburgh Pirates.

The Mets may have been stealing your signs Sunday, but you've been stealing the sanity of our dear friend 6th Ward for way too long. What else needs to happen for him to lose hope? Not even a successful start by his beloved Kansas Shitty Royals can steal away his love for his Fuccos. What if Dave Littlefield triumphantly returned to the front office? Doubtful. A relocation to Boston? Nah brah. Zack is in it for the long haul.

Even if Brandon Moss ends the season with an RBI total in the single digits...

Even if Brian Bixler boots three routine grounders a game and kills four fans in the crowd with overthrows...

Even if Tyler Yates issues more free passes than Kennywood this summer...

They'll still have a friend in 6th Ward.

It Was Fun While it Lasted...

THANKS FOR THE MEMORIES...

Another Buccos season down the shitter. Here's looking to 2010. Or 2011. Or 2012. Or never.

The Real MVP of This Series

I am not a homer. When the teams I root for do not play well, I admit it, and I refuse to place blame or make excuses for them. I do not watch sports with rose-colored glasses.

A very lame attempt at humor. I apologize.

After watching Game Three of the Pens' second round matchup with the Caps, I have to admit the Penguins were by far the better team last night. They carried the play throughout the game, with the difference maker being Evgeni Malkin, who finally decided to show up, albeit two games later than expected. The difference maker for the entire series, however, isn't the NHL's poster boys, #8 and #87, but #40 for the Capitals, Simeon Varlamov. Without "Varly" standing on his head, the Pens could easily be up 2-1 or even 3-0.

This shows you all you need to know about the Capitals' post-game celebratory activities.

Going into the playoffs, many pundits were afraid to pick the Caps because of their lack of goaltending. Jose Theodore, a one-time NHL MVP, lately is known more for this and this instead of this. After Jose shit the bed in the first game of the Caps' opening round matchup against the Rangers, Coach Bruce Boudreau put down the doughnuts long enough to announce a goalie change. Enter sim-yon vahr-la-mov. Most people would think that turning to a rookie goaltender who doesn't speak English in the pressure-packed environment of the playoffs would be a gigantic mistake. Think again. Varlamov has been unfazed by the intensity of NHL playoff hockey. The man has the tools and the potential, he's extremely athletic and large, and was rumored to be a trading chip in a proposed deal for Chris Pronger at this year's deadline. Perhaps Varlamov also benefits from being oblivious to what playoff hockey is all about. When preparing for his playoff debut against the Rangers, Varlamov asked his coaches for a scouting report on the Rangers' shootout lineup. He didn't even know that the NHL eliminates the shootouts in overtime during the playoffs! It's been a combination of this innocence and his immense physical abilities that have allowed the Caps to thwart the Pens thus far in the series, not the all-offense, all the time mindset of Ovechkin. The Pens need to continue the intensity and persistence they have shown throughout the series and hope that Varlamov finally cracks under the pressure.

BREAKING NEWS...

My fantasy season is officially over.