The Real Bitches

Isn't it funny how the only thing you ever hear coming out of Philthadelphia is how Sidney Crosby is a whiner and a diver and a bitch? It's probably the biggest case of jealousy and envy in all of professional sports. It's also a major case of the pot calling the kettle black. For example...

-Mike Richards, captain of the cheap shot. If you've ever listened to this guy talk, you know he's been getting his share of brotherly love in his spare time. His lisp, to steal a line from the classic Blazing Saddles "sounds like steam escaping." If he's not a closet case, I don't know who is. For your viewing pleasure, a clip of a Richards interview from November 2007. Notice the overly tight shirt, the Bobby Brown headset and of course, the lisp that a Canadian accent can't even hide...

-Daniel Briere, the man who had a decent playoff run a few years back and turned it into one of the most outrageous contracts in NHL history. He's a major reason the Flyers couldn't trade for a guy like Jay Bouwmeester at the deadline. His contract eats up so much of the cap, and the problem for the Flyers is he's constantly hurt. It could be because he's built like a 14-year old boy. Sure, some adults are smaller than others. But someone should check Briere's driver's license, cause he sure does sound like a 14-year old boy too. There's no way this guy is four years older than me. To quote the late, great Michel Therrien, Daniel Briere is "soff." The only thing less threatening than an overrated Francophone hockey player who sounds like he just huffed all the helium out of the balloons at a child's birthday party is challenging a one-armed midget to a 1-on-1 game of hoops.

-Even people in Boston know the Flyers and their fans are jokes, and that's saying a lot. Jack Edwards (you may remember him from Sportscenter, back when it was still watchable) is now the voice of the Boston Bruins. He had a front-row seat to the goonery the Flyers displayed last season, witnessing the cheap shot that could have ended Patrice Bergeron's career. He pulled no punches in making fun of Philly in this clip...

-Not even wasting my time on Scott Fartsmell.

Pictures are worth a thousand words.

As much as I dislike Paul Steigerwald, he made an excellent point before Game Four. Philly fans like to claim Pittsburghers live too much in the past. If they would stop booing and throwing beer on people long enough to actually watch their joke of a hockey franchise, they'd realize that they're trying to reincarnate the Broad Street Bullies brand of hockey that last worked in 1975. It's ok for a city to celebrate their past sporting triumphs when they actually have a past to celebrate...

Philadelphia Major Sports Titles:
NFL: Eagles (NONE)
MLB: Phillies (two: 1980, 2008)
NHL: Flyers (two: 1974,1975)
NBA: Sixers (two: 1967,1983)

Pittsburgh Major Sports Titles:
NFL: Steelers (six: 1974, 1975, 1978, 1979, 2005, 2008)

MLB: Pirates (five: 1909,1925, 1960, 1971, 1979)
NHL: Penguins (two: 1991,1992)
NBA: smart enough to not have an NBA franchise

So one of the five largest markets in sports has as many major sports titles combined as the Steelers alone. That's impressive (oops, I forgot to count Arena Football titles...the Philadelphia Soul won the Arena Bowl in 2008, but they're more famous for their owner, Jon Bon Jovi. That guys huffs a lot of dong too, which lets him fit in well in Philly.) So forgive us for living in the past, it's a lot easier to remember the glory days than relive repeated failures (I was gonna do a sweet video montage of such memorable Philly collapses featuring Mitch Williams serving up Joe Carter, Donovan McNabb throwing up and shitting the bed at the same time in the Super Bowl, Allen Iverson being Allen Iverson, and anything with T.O. in it, but I'm done wasting my time with this waste of a city.)

So instead, I leave you with the last meeting between the Pens and Flyers from last season, which features something we're gonna see in the not-too-distant future...

Philly sucks.

LET'S GO PENS